like a virgin

madonna popped my cherry. um, i mean, i popped my madonna cherry. er, um, yeah, i mean, i saw madonna for my first time!

what was meant to be an outing for the ladies of leisure became a sisters plus brother-in-law/husband plus children/niece/nephew boston extravaganza (by no means any less or more pleasurable than an outing with eva and tracy).

because tracy was broke and eva has strict requirements for her viewing pleasure (see exhibit A),

exhibit A: we were seated in section 327, yellow, nosebleeds #9-12. eva ended up buying $$ tickets in montreal where she was seated around oh section j, blue, #17.

because derek has a list of artists he would pay inordinate sums of money to see (see exhibit B),

exhibit B: and because one day jennie was rocking out to borderline, and decided that she must see madonna too, jennie, derek, suzanne (me), julie, baxter, paige, and cocoa left for boston on thursday, October 16 right around noon time. (we were supposed to leave at 11, but the lowell/poirier clan wasn’t quite ready (surprise, surprise) and we had to rock out to a few songs from the immaculate collection before we headed out).

after a therapeutic stop at target (incredibly i only spent $50), we arrived at our posh suite in burlington, MA. i donned my madonna ensemble, made julie put on some girlie earrings, and made jennie put on an about-to-be-baby-mama cleavage-revealing top (sorry jen, the grey t-shirt was just not going to cut it for gussying up to go out to see the original material girl herself). derek even tried on the blue feather boa i’d brought for him, but opted not to wear it on the T. marta, super-babysitter (by no means any less or more superb than ashley, the super-babysitter), arrived, and the adult siblings were off!

what could have been a disastrous wrong turn and what was a deathly slow T-ride (hampered by a misplaced garbage can?), turned out to be fine, and we weren’t late! i was a bit grumpy (like the grumpy that a person might get when she is climbing up the steep steep, what seems to be perpetual, and actually is never-ending staircase, that is camel’s hump), until we were finally seated in our nosebleed seats (eva, you might be on to something – read her blog about her night & see her close-up pics here). we were to the side of the stage, and although screens were there for our viewing pleasure, the images that were being projected were backwards for us, since we were actually behind the screen. fortunately, i’m an excellent sdrawkcab reader. i was still feeling grumpy and like i’d been duped by citicard's promise that they had “special," pre-sale madonna sticky & sweet tour tickets. again, it all turned out in the end – we had a neat behind-the-scenes vantage point, got to see madge get her mic fixed, going down to the depths of the pit on her descending platform, and got to see her get in place and practice some moves before her rotating screen was turned toward the audience.

the show was one big ADHD-riddled person’s dream -- lights, music, videos, dancers, props, jump ropes, cars, pianos, ascending & descending platforms, costume changes, and of course madonna herself, who actually went from having no bangs to bangs. I don’t know how she did it (though magical bobbie pins could be the answer). madonna danced with an illusion of justin timberlake (i’d like to reiterate how grateful i am to him for bringing sexy back), sang with the piped-in vocals of kanye west, tricked us by switching her image with britney’s, and made a shameless plug for voting for obama, and I think kabbalah, though i couldn’t be sure because the 85 degree temperature (which she insists her venues keep the temp set to) was slightly frying my brain.

i could go on and on about how madonna jump-roped and double-dutched in high heel wedged sneakers, how she shook her fanny in old 80s style exercise shorts (see exhibit C), how her voice kind of trembled in a not-so-good way during borderline (i never said she was a good singer), how she is totally hot and buff and i’m not sure, but am almost positive that she’s had some plastic surgery, how we danced and danced and screamed (but didn’t cry), but i think you’re getting the picture (unfortunately, i can’t show you because they wouldn’t let me bring my camera in, though there were plenty of people who were filming with their cell-phones. you can be sure to catch those quality vids on youtube.)

exhibit C:

this was the set list with a few details from yours truly:

~intro/candy shop: this is where the stage rotated and madonna was revealed sitting in a queen’s throne holding a scepter and wearing white laced black f*ck me boots.~beat goes on
~human nature

~vogue: this is where we put our hands up to our face to make kind of like a picture frame around our heads.
~video interlude – die another day
~into the groove: this is where we screamed the loudest.
~heartbeat
~borderline: this is where i felt slightly embarrassed for madonna.
~she’s not me: this is where 4 different women rose from the platforms dressed as different madonna-era madonnas – there was the lacy white bride, the cone boobed voguer, the marilyn monroe hot-pink dressed, white-gloved material girl madonna, and the pin-striped suit, short-haired express yourself madonna.
~music
~video interlude – rain/here comes the rain again
~devil wouldn’t recognize you
~spanish lesson
~miles away
~la isla bonita/lela pala tutedoli doli (live interlude - romanian folk song)
~you must love me: this is when a piano rose from the floor and madonna was laying on it in a huge black cape that revealed itself to be lined in hot pink when she finally flung it off of herself. this is also when I asked julie if this was the song from that argentina movie she was in.
~video interlude – get stupid (about saving the planet): this is when she asked boston if they’d registered to vote and told them to vote for obama.
~4 minutes
~like a prayer: this is when she let us sing.
~ray of light
~hung up: this is when the building started bouncing.

~give it to me (finale): this is when she left and the lights came on. i can’t believe she didn’t do an encore.

so, i’m no longer a madonna virgin. the highlight of my night could quite possibly be when i was recognized as the material girl. one, of many, gay guys cat-called out to me, “it’s madonna!” I guess my outfit was convincing enough for him. i struck a pose.

ladies of leisure

for eva gabor, suzanne monroe, & tracy "lyra" martin, the grueling summer months had been so devastatingly chaotic, that a much needed slumber party was deemed the only remedy. while ms. monroe was slaving away at summer camps, eva was busy canoodling with peter freyne, elton john, patrick leahy, and all of the seven daysies. down in warren, tracy was donating her own blood, sweat, and tears to help the fabulous phantom theater run smoothly. the ladies who lunch (on wednesdays, after tracy's tail-feather fluffing NIA dance class) had tragically not been together since the fateful day of July 3 (actually a thursday).

as is always the case with these multi-tasking, over-booked, talented women, one of them is inevitably late (and although, ms. monroe probably wouldn't like to point fingers, it's usually eva or tracy -- except for the aforementioned July 3rd lunch). the slumber party started at 7, but tracy was in the valley making sure the backwards dancers had their lemons in a row, so eva and suzanne gnoshed on fresh veggies from eva's garden & waited ever-so patiently, being ever-so careful not to dish any real dirt, until the red-haired bombshell arrived.in the meantime, ella, the 3-legged punk, surveyed eva's digs, and much to the dismay of ms. monroe, chased crawford (named as such for his signature cindy crawford mole) out of the house.

when tracy and her black, curly-haired doppelganger arrived, ella made it known to squid that the pink cat bed was most definitely, already spoken for. squiddy cowered in her mother's arms until ms. monroe scolded ella and attempted to instill jealousy by smothering the black miniature poodle in kisses. only the real marilyn can pull off that kind of trickery though. ella was pretty much a punk for the remainder of the evening. at least the ladies of leisure declared that while some owners are like their animals, ms. monroe and ella are nothing alike.

after the long overdue reunion, eating commenced, bubbly was poured, dancing & lip-synching ensued, and of course, the dirt was dished. oh how the men wished they were flies on the wall. after the catch-up details were all caught up on, the talk turned to more important things -- such as the dreams, goals, hopes, and upcoming plans of the ladies of leisure. if there had been male flies on the wall, they may have been disappointed that they weren't being talked about at all, a fact that went not unnoticed by the divas, a fact that was in fact cheered on and to which a drink was drunk.

at exclusive slumber parties such as this one, high quantities of calories must be consumed (inhaling is optional) & putting one's (elastic-waisted) pajamas on immediately is highly recommended. fortunately, the following day was eva's 35th birthday, so tracy's magical chocolate cake was in attendance as well as julie's magical cookie dough. (on a side note: the ladies of leisure have had some bad luck with dessert. at the christmas pj party at tracy's, they splurged on a mirabelle's special yuletide log that was too sweet even for their sweet-teeth. and at the last slumber party at ms. monroe's, oliver rudely ate the cake). the ladies of leisure have been dreaming & drooling for another ever since.
after the eating and the dress-up/character improv, tracy had consumed, imbibed, & expended way too much for her petite frame to handle, and left her friends for her dreams and to cuddle with squiddy (though she was really just over there on the couch).however, ms. monroe and ms. gabor were just getting started, and spent a few hours studying the mastery of marilyn monroe and jane russell in "diamonds are a girl's best friend." how those women twirled their little pinkies so is a mystery. and that "daddy" was ever a term of endearment for a suitor, well that just blew eva and suzanne away. after the movie, ms. monroe drifted off to sleep (at approximately 2:30 am), while eva fed her TV-monster till 4 am.

the morning after was spent drinking coffee, painting toe and fingernails, wishing eva a happy birthday with a special gift for her annual exodus to shelburne farms, and lamenting the fact that the ladies of leisure had to return to their constantly demanding lives. a next meeting was planned: a road trip to see madonna no less, and the hearts & souls of eva, suzanne, and tracy were refreshed and filled to the brim with love, hope, & friendship -- the slumber party had worked its magic.

please to enjoy some archives (christmas 2007 pj party with EMS, TWM, & SML):
and read eva's blog about it here.

suz posts about eva, eva posts about suz, suz posts about eva again

eva posted about my post about her (read her post)! aaaawwww. we're so halmarky cheesy corny, it's enough to puke. how come nobody ever comments on my blog except eva, lani, and me? come on friendly readers, make a blog girl's day and write some comments!

post post post. isn't that a funny word?

eva's gone...

eva has left the flynn! when i first interviewed with the flynn's education department, eva immediately struck me as someone with whom i desperately wanted to be friends, but someone with whom i was just probably not cool enough to actually be lucky enough to become friends with. little did i know. she wore bright, hip clothing, was artsy and confident, and had a certain je ne sais pas...

in my first days at the flynn, eva celebrated her birthday and went off to what i soon learned was her annual exodus to shelburne farms -- her dream home in which she escaped reality by going back in time to antebellum tea times, lounging on gorgeous day couches, reading musty books, strolling through the gardens, playing billiards in the game room, wishing that every other guest would go away so that she, her sister, and her mother could enjoy their lovely home to themselves. while i had been to the farms, i had never realized its vastness or that there was an inn with different colored rooms and a black and white tiled floor parlor in which to eat! eva brought back a calendar from her trip and got me hooked on shelburne farms -- one of the first things eva introduced to me.

next i was to find out that eva had her very own public access show -- the deadbeat club. she filmed this monthly, hour-long show with her sister and mother, and produced, edited, and snipped it to perfection with her own skill, experience, and pure inspiration. her show includes weekly updates, news reports on today's hottest and dumbest stars, impersonations of said stars with their faces taped on to barbie dolls and voiced over by eva and her sister, tales of life in california, babes of the month, dance, picture, and music montages of every theme imaginable, and oh so much more. my first thought was how i would LOVE to get to cameo on her show. would i ever get to be good enough friends with her to get to be on the deadbeat club? i was given pins, and then a t-shirt, and then finally, eventually, i was given a cameo on the show! i felt so honored and excited -- i got to wear authentic 70s & 80s thrift store finds from eva's closet, make myself up with some of the reddest lipsticks and bluest eyeshadows, fashion some very large earrings, and be as dramatic as i could possibly be. watching eva work, whether it's behind the camera, in front of the camera, or at her very large computer screen that is also connected to a tv and to about 8 hard drives that she's named jane austen and bronte and other such names, is inspiring in itself. and then, getting to see yourself in her eyes -- well that just takes the triple chocolate mousse cake! check out some of eva's masterpieces that i got to star in and then check out the rest of her youtube vlog creations:

1: where is my mind?
2: the offasty 1: burnt toast
3: the offasty 2: stolen yogurt
4: the offasty 3: losing aimee
5: the offasty 5: room with a view



eva's blog & vlog have been mentioned in seven days and in the burlington free press, and she is going to make it bigtime sometime soon, i just know it! eva is the one who introduced me to blogging and encouraged me to start my very own somethingsomething blog. she taught me how to create links and embed youtube videos.

let's see other things about eva: she beats me hands down on sex and the city knowledge (and i thought i had that one in the bag); makes a killer mojito; speaks in a british accent flawlessly; dances cabaret jazz like fosse; sings "diamonds are a girl's best friend" better than marilyn monroe herself; loves the sunshine; reads more books, watches more movies, and drinks more tea than anyone i know; knits personal wrist warmers for her dear friends; frequents mirabelle's just as often as me; is the best damn secret IM/chat partner i've ever had; is deeper than the deepest chasm in the ocean; is the best listener and crier EVER; is incredibly strong and inspiring; and many many other things. you'd have to be crazy (or on cocaine and a fugly loser nobody sex-fiend) to let this girl go. (she would be my lover and my betrothed if it weren't for our being straight and all).

that's why i'm so glad i don't have to let her go. eva's not gone -- she's just going back to school to follow her dreams of web design and to feed her technological hunger. mark my words, we'll all be seeing her soon!

good luck eva! i'll miss you in the offasty, but am happy to know that you're much more happier out there than in here!